Guest Post: Sarah on Infertility

It's here!  I got it all figured out and I'm so excited for you to be able to read it.  Sarah and I went to high school together but we really didn't connect until the last couple years.  She's amazing!  After you read this post, head over to her blog and tell her Hi!

I’m so excited to be blogging here today with Alli!  Alli’s perspective on life is so inspirational and always renews my hope and courage when it’s lacking! 

I’m Sarah Jolley – wife, friend, sister, daughter, aunt, and infertile.   I blog about my adventures in all these various roles in my life over at Jolley Days {www.dallinandsarahjolley.blogspot.com}

The condition that prevents my husband and I from conceiving has been a part of my life since I was a teenager.  Shortly after getting married I learned the extent of my condition and the effects it would have on our ability to build our family.  We were told that our possibility of conceiving naturally is close to zero.

I’ll be the first to tell you that accepting your infertility is hard. Like literally accepting the fact that many of your hopes and dreams will not happen in the way you’ve envisioned them your entire life.  It’s gut wrenching hard. This difficulty makes it all too easy to fall into a vicious cycle of anger, self-pity, and envy.  I’ll also be the first to tell you that I’ve struggled with all of these.  I’m not perfect, and I never claim to be.

But, three years into our journey of infertility I feel that I’ve come a long way.  Occasionally (sometimes more than I’d like to admit), I still feel the anger, self-pity, and envy sneak up on me.  I often describe the process of accepting infertility as a “1 step forward, 2 steps backward” model.  Some days I love to be around the babies of my friends and family.  I accept the fact that we were sent to this earth with a different path set in place for us to become parents.  Adoption.  I’m so excited to one day have the baby that was meant to be my child placed in my arms.  That baby was just meant to come to me in a different way than I had envisioned.  But it will be a beautiful entrance into this world and into our family.  I’m excited to meet the courageous birthmother that will trust me with the sacred calling of raising and providing a loving life for their child.   That’s 1 step forward.

Then, out of nowhere, my emotions sneak up on me and going to a friend’s baby shower is just too much to bare.  The pregnancy announcements on facebook are too much to handle, so I close my computer.  I go to my room, climb in bed, and cry.  I beg my Heavenly Father to take away the pain of the inability to create life, to take away the trial that my husband and I have to deal with.  And that’s 2 steps backward. 

But, I’ll share with you one lesson that I’ve learned as I keep taking 1 step forward and 2 steps backward.  Even when I’ve just taken 2 steps backward, I know that my forward steps will add up.  I know I’ll be OK.  I know that someday my husband and I will be parents.  As long as all of my steps aren’t backward, as long as I’m moving forward; even a little bit, I’ll be OK.

Will there be anger, pain, and heart break along the way? You betcha.

Will we be stronger, more appreciative and capable parents than we ever thought?

You better believe it!

Infertility is a part of me.  It’s a part of my husband.  It will forever be a part of our marriage and our future family.  But we will not let it define us as people.  We are fun, life-loving people that are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a sweet baby into our family.  Whether that be through a miracle baby that we create together, or through the miracle of adoption, we will keep taking those steps forward and backward to ready ourselves for that miraculous day.

Please head on over to our blog Jolley Days to learn more about us and find links to our adoption blog.  We hope that you will help spread the word that we are hoping to adopt by putting our buttons on your blogs – it will only take one person to connect us to that sweet baby!